Saturday, June 23, 2007


The Only Global Warming Message You Need to Hear

It has come to our attention that many of you in the non-scientific community have not become active in (preventing/dispelling the myth of) catastrophic global climate change. While all can agree that the weather is growing hotter, there are many disagreements over what to do about it. A lot of this confusion can be attributed to the misinformation coming from (the right-wing blogosphere and talk radio/liberal media), so we’re here to make things easier for you to understand.

The topic of global warming has received a lot of attention in recent times, due to (mankind’s misuse of earth’s natural resources/scare-mongering by the far left). While (most members of the scientific community/some high profile politicians) say the recent trend of warmer weather is due to human (irresponsibility/productivity), there are (a few misguided individuals/many reputable scientists) who disagree.

All rational observers agree that (a drastic change/a normal fluctuation) in the earth’s climate is taking place, due to (man-made causes/natural events). Many (esteemed scientists/hucksters) say that his phenomena will result in adverse weather conditions around the world that threaten human society, (and/but) these warnings (cannot/ought to) be ignored. The indisputable event of global climate change calls for (immediate and drastic action/a calm and measured approach) which preserves (the nature we all must live in/both the environment and our economy).

The debate on this topic was (sadly ignored/kept in proper perspective) while Americans dealt with the aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks and the war in Iraq. However, it was (returned to its proper place at the front of public discourse/blown wildly out of proportion) by our former vice president and (tireless public advocate/shameless provocateur), Al Gore. Through his (insightful and thought-provoking/woefully exaggerated) documentary An Inconvenient Truth, Gore succeeded in (starting an important policy debate/thrusting himself back in the spotlight), and accomplished his goal of (a more environmentally-conscious America/making a lot of money and winning an Oscar for himself).

As Gore (tirelessly advocates a greener future/soaks up money while lounging in his electricity-guzzling home), a few (Flat Earth Society rejects/brave souls who refuse to be shouted down) like Michael Crichton and John Stossel have expressed (puzzling/eye-opening) doubts about his evidence. Their data, which leads many to believe that the former vice president has used overstated and erroneous evidence (is itself misleading/punctures Gore’s whole argument). The (ghastly/long-serving) Republican James Inhofe of Oklahoma, who holds a high-ranking seat on the Senate’s Committee on Environment and Public Works, has (nonsensically/occasionally) called global warming a “hoax” and compared the green movement’s adherents to the Third Reich.

Inhofe’s statements are the words of a (reactionary lunatic/person whom reasonable skeptics of global warming aren’t proud to have on their side). However, overblown oratory such as his should not distract Americans from the highest priority of this debate, which is to (make the earth a safe place for our children/avoid devastating the U.S. economy over an unrealistic threat). If the American government enacted changes such as capping carbon emissions and exploring alternate sources of energy, our example would (provide a beacon for the rest of the world/be ignored by more prolific polluters like China, anyway). Cutting the amount of air pollution we produce would require (a few simple/numerous and unrealistic) changes in the average American’s lifestyle. Ultimately, the best way to reduce carbon emissions lies with (government action and regulation/free market incentives for businesses).

Unfortunately, President Bush has (moved too slowly to enact changes in American policies/chosen to humor the environmental movement), and now promotes a long-term plan to combat climate change at the G8 summit in Europe. This move (comes as too little and far too late/gives the Chicken Littles on the left an air of credibility they don’t deserve). If the president truly wanted to help, he would (have worked to cut carbon emissions and end America’s dependence on foreign oil long ago/encourage more debate between the environmentalists and their doubters). Sadly, this is only the latest disappointing chapter in the saga of a president who is (beholden to big-business and the right-wing agenda/continuing to sell out his conservative supporters).

However, this won’t prevent the (environmentally conscientious/ leftist, tree-hugging) activists from (inviting/trying to coerce) all of you to join them in their quest. What is required of you is (a few simple/a lot of confusing and complicated) changes in the way you manage your household and select the products you buy. We hope that all Americans will join together in making a (greener/fiscally solvent) future for the children of the next generation. Climate science may seem a confusing topic for the layman, but all you really have to do is listen to those who are (environmentally responsible/ skeptics of phony science) and completely ignore the other side of the argument. Those such as (James Inhofe and John Stossel/ Al Gore and The Weather Channel) are motivated by politics and personal gain. They don’t have your best interests in mind.

We hope that clears things up.

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